Sibú át cá, dí át mán*.

(*God with me, none against me. in Brunka, the indigenous language spoken here in Boruca)

Alright. Time for an emotions check, guys.

Today, this week, this month, this entire year and EXPERIENCE so far has been full of Feelings, big-time Feelings from all across the board. And, at risk of sounding like an angsty middle schooler, I'm going to take a stab at chronicling some of what's been going through my head since arriving in the rich coast.

Let's start with today, for example.

Today, I have felt several odd sensations-- first and foremost, while talking with my awesome uncle Ryan on Skype this morning (three cheers for VoIP!), I had the distinct feeling of missing DC. Not just missing my friends and family-- that goes without saying-- but really, truly, intensely MISSING the oak trees and houses without gaps between walls and ceiling, the smells of vaccuumed carpets and asphalt and the cold and really, truly, just everything.

Now, for those of you who knows me well, you'll know that DC is not the place that I have ever imagined myself as living or being or wanting to stay. It's been a project of mine over the past few years to find the beauty in life in DC and see the positives whenever I am there, but I admit that it does not come naturally. More often than not, if I am in DC, I am actively planning how to leave DC. I'm more drawn to nature, to travel, to close proximity to forests and water and mountains and wide open spaces (cue Dixie Chicks.)

So... what happened to me? What brought about the change that's making me actively miss not only the people but also the place that I always struggled to love?

I think it's the fact that Costa Rica is so unlike anywhere I've ever lived before. All the other times I've been in other countries, they've been much more similar to DC, weather-wise, food-wise, and lifestyle-wise.... And on those levels, Costa Rica is nothing like DC. The weather is tropical; the food is starchy and deep-friend; and this is not a first-world country.

I love it here, I truly do. I love my job, I love my freedom, I love the simplicity, I love the language. I love the CHUBBY WUBBY BABIES :D--

(thanks to Sydney for the photo! PS, check out my tan... ;P)

...I just sometimes long for a sweater and a mug of hot chocolate and a bowl of oatmeal and some good old freezing rain on a Saturday afternoon. You know?

..... another odd sensation I've felt today is that of having Free Time. As I've mentioned before, my life so far in Boruca hasn't exactly been offering up the abundance of free time that I'd expected before finding out what site I had been placed at. Where many of my compatriots from the program who have significantly smaller schools have been talking about having tons of time, I've found the opposite to be the case-- with 150 kids and 8 classes, not to mention lesson planning, there's not much time left over for myself. I've budgeted in a daily 45 minutes for jogging and walking, but that's pretty much it.

HOWEVER! Happily, my experience thus far has taught me that planning ahead is SO worth it in the classroom. I'm by no means an expert, but I've found that planning in big chunks for at least a week at a time is WAY better than planning every day for the next days' lessons. What this boils down to is that after a marathon 3 hours in my classroom this afternoon (I know, I know, it's a Saturday) I not only have the room organized for Monday, I also have almost all my lesson plans done for the upcoming week.

Speaking of having my classroom organized, here's what it looks like now, thanks in large part to y'all AWESOME PEOPLE who have been sending me stuff from the States:

...I have already jogged today. I have showered twice. I have eaten yogurt. I have talked to family and friends. I have talked to my host family in Spanish. I have watched Interview With a Vampire. And now, it is almost 5 PM and I have absolutely NOTHING PRESSING that I need to do!

And that is a new sensation for me, here :) :) .... not that I'm complaining. I mean, there is stuff TO do, it's just not crucial that I do it right now, and I like that. Tranquila :)

...anyway. All of this leads me to something that I've been meaning to write about here for a while, but haven't yet written about for various insundry reasons.

That's the fact that this experience so far has been a very spiritual one for me. (Pause to shovel yogurt into my face; the evening bus struggles by the house on the road, sending up clouds of dust and dirt as it inches back up the mountain. The sound of the engine dies down... now there are just insects, birds, dogs, people talking from all over the neighborhood, a child screaming, a rooster crowing, puppies barking, and TVs babbling on and on...)

Spirituality is an interesting thing. A complicated, personal thing. One that I've thought about and thought about ever since I was aware of it inside of my own brain (not just from watching people go through motions and repeat things, but truly being aware of having my own opinions and beliefs.) I try to see my spirituality not as a journey with a start or a finish but rather as a state of awareness and thankfulness and openness, with my main goals being love, acceptance, and gratitude. For me, the Spirit is everything and everywhere, in me and the dirt under my feet and the rainbow overhead and the music that I hear and the anger I sometimes feel and the yogurt I eat and the puppy playing outside. I believe that everything and everyone is connected and that the more positive energy I can put out into this universe, the better it will become for everything in it.

I find myself praying a lot nowadays. I don't exactly know what 'a lot' means... it's not a number, just a growing thing that's been developing over the past few years of my life. The word 'prayer' is also an inconcrete thing, symbolizing any time that I consciously emit energy and emotion out into the world. Often, my prayers are simple waves of gratitude-- I look out over rolling hills, I see a beautiful sunset, I am helped by a kindly stranger, and I just think thank you.

(sunsets like this one, from two weeks ago.)

...Sometimes, the prayers are a pure wave of joy at how inCREDIBLE life is, how lucky I am. And sometimes, in more difficult moments, my prayers are a reassurance and a reminder that pain and joy are connected, that this is all part of life, and that I need to be thankful for every part of it, for the whole.

Something about being in Costa Rica brings out this side of me more than anywhere else I've ever lived on Earth. I think that part of it is because life here is very tranquila, very calm, very relaxed. I am not here to earn money or get rich or become famous; I am here as a volunteer, to help and teach; and as a human, to learn and love and experience and grow.

Whenever people asked me why I wanted to live in Austria, I always told them it was because when I looked out my window, I could see proof of God. But it's more than that-- it's also the reminder that while I am a tiny, tiny part of this huge system-- less permanent than a grain of sand-- I am still a part of it, and that makes me matter.

Life here in Costa Rica, similar to life in the Alps, also gives me that feeling... but it's about more than nature, here. It's also about actively working to make this world a better place, and being the kind of adult human being that I want to be. I have a choice about how I want to live, and I am making it every single day-- and if some people think I am crazy for doing that, so be it.

This is where, and who, I want to be.

Much love,
Raquelita