I am............ in a really good place, right now. And this isn't a fluke, this isn't 'just because I'm in Costa Rica': it's the result of having spent the last month of my life working, working hard, every single day, at making Costa Rica into a place that I love.
You see, about a month ago I hit a bit of a slump. Ok, that's a lie: I was in fact slipping towards a pretty deep depression. This was partially because I hurt my back and couldn't go running for a while and partially because I really, truly was in dire need of a bit of a mental shift. I had a good bit of misery, tears, and negativity. I was scared because I was lonely, and I wasn't able to revel in myself, in the world, in others, in the Spanish language, in the joy of sharing and volunteering and learning in this awesome country. All of the positive feelings that I had been loving and living since getting here were being hidden by my general angst, and something needed to change.
So what did I do?
I made a list. That's right, I made a list-- a list of all of the things that I wanted to change about my life in Boruca, about the things I want to accomplish here, about the things I wanted to add into my Costa Rican life on a day-to-day basis. And then, after I made the list, after I'd checked it twice.... I put it into action.
Here are some of the things I've changed and implemented and done these past four weeks:
-I've made a better effort to live in Spanish:reading a novel in the language, speaking with more people here in Spanish, avoiding speaking in English whenever possible, listening to Spanish music
-I've gone out and gotten to know the community more: I now go over to my neighbors' house daily to chat, play with the baby, and listen to the grandmother tell tales (in Spanish, of course) of what life was like here when she was a child... I've met and talked to more and more parents of my students, met more people my age, and played cards and soccer and hide-and-seek with the locals.
-I've tried to make a mental shift more towards fitting in here instead of trying to 'be myself' here-- this means, for example, being mroe open to drinking coffee, trying to revel in the glory that is the cafecito (cafecito being when you go to someone's house, planned or unannounced, to sit around talking-- or not talking-- for an indefinite period of time, drinking tea or coffee, just being relaxed together instead of working)
-when my students say 'te quiero', I now say 'te quiero' right back. (te quiero is hard translate into English-- in English we just have 'I love you', but in Spanish there are several levels of it. 'te quiero' is more like'i hold you dear'/'you are awesome and important to me' as opposed to 'te amo', which is a distinctively romantic thing.)
-I MILKED A COW!
-I now drink tea almost every day... tea has always been a big comfort for me, but it's expensive and difficultto make here because my family doesn't have a microwave or stove or water cooker, so I have to go next door to make it... but I've decided that it's worth the effort. An added benefit is that I've gotten to bond a bit more with Doña Paulina, the ancient old woman living next door whose microwave I use each day (she's actually my host grandmother.... and she's pretty awesome.)
-each week I take the bus into town and buy myself a big bag of fresh fruit so that I will have a piece to eat every day
-I began to teach my classes immersion style, which not only makes me feel like a better teacher but motivates me, motivates my students, and shows them how much they have learned (we make a game out of it every day, Teacher vs. Students, and keep track on the board, to see who can go a whole class without speaking Spanish.)
-I've returned to my old habit of making lists in my head of things that I am thankful for. I wake up in the morning, and I try to have my first thoughts be ones of peace. When I go to bed at night, I try to think about the good stuff about the day that has passed and about what I'm looking forward to in the upcoming days.
The effect of all of this has been overwhelming: my Spanish is better, my classes are better, my relationship with my family and community is better. I've made new friends, and I'm content in this tiny pueblo in the jungle. When I leave for the weekend, I'm excited to go-- and now, also, excited to return. In fact, when I was in San Jose this weekend, I mentioned to Alex (one of my Tico friends) something I wanted to do 'when I was home'-- and realized that, at some point in the past few weeks, I have naturally started thinking of Boruca as 'home'.. and it feels good.
Speaking of Alex: a couple of weeks ago, I got to accompany my him to a rural car race in Guanacaste that he was covering (he's a professional photographer here in Costa Rica.) It was SO beautiful that I'm actually giving some thought to living there for a while:
...anyway. This is getting long, so, I'll stop for now. Moral of all of this is that I'm doing alright. In fact, I'm doing great. Thank you to all of you for your patience with me, for your support, and for your thoughts and prayers :)
Besitos!
Raquelita
